Varric Tethras (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
brosbeforeprose) wrote2015-12-17 09:04 pm
brosbeforeprose) wrote2015-12-17 09:04 pm
Thisavrou app
OUT OF CHARACTER
Player Name: Dara
Are you 16 or older: I am!
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specialmandate
Current Characters: Tali'Zorah
Tag: varric tethras
IN CHARACTER
Name: Varric Tethras
Canon: Dragon Age
Canon Point: Dragon Age: Inquisition: after his confrontation with Cassandra about Hawke. I'm including the comic trilogy The Silent Grove, Those Who Speak and Until We Sleep
Age: 40
History: Varric's DA Wiki page
Note: Varric's Hawke is a female mage who romanced Isabela. Bartrand is dead. Anders is alive. Carver is in the Grey Wardens. I haven't played any of the Inquisition DLC, so I have no idea what the hell goes on in any of it.
Personality: "Shows what you know. I would definitely bring this up just to gossip. I didn't. But I would."
Varric Tethras. How do I begin to explain Varric Tethras? ...I hear his chest hair's insured for 10,000 gold.
He'd absolutely tell you that if you thought you'd believe him. Or even if he didn't think you would, but just for shits and giggles. Lying blatantly is how Varric entertains himself, after all, and half of this app is going to be about how, when, why and to whom Varric lies, because it says a hell of a lot about him. Lying is how he entertains himself, it's how he makes his living and it's how he defends his friends and his interests. Varric can do a lot with words. He's an artist with them - he can say much with very few, say absolutely nothing with many (he's especially good at that), knows when to be silent and when to talk. As he's told people before, his livelihood depends on knowing that silence is golden - sometimes. And that's both his livelihood of storytelling, and his alternative careers: first, the professional younger brother of Bartrand Tethras; then, unwilling businessman at the head of his family, and deshyr (essentially, representative) of Kirkwall to the Dwarven Merchant's Guild. He's elevated bullshit to a literal art form, and it's probably a safe bet that his most famous book, The Tale of the Champion, is three parts truth to two parts 'making shit up'. It's an interesting question to ask - how much of Dragon Age 2 is just Varric telling tall tales? Obviously some parts of it can be framed within the wider world, corroborated by the other games and media - but Varric is the narrator of the second game. Everything the player sees? That's Varric talking. Sometimes, it's Varric talking shit. And that's pretty damned important, both about him and about the story of Dragon Age.
"...coins flow when I talk and when I shut up. Like if you got paid to guard or unguard."
"That makes no sense."
"Good."
The entirety of DA2 is about that time Varric spun a long, thrilling, engaging tale for Seeker Pentaghast - a tale of a lovable band of misfits that got into a lot of trouble, but fought for what they genuinely thought was right. It was riveting stuff, and it was meant to be! The player - and Cassandra - are completely taken in by the story of Hawke and Hawke's friends. There was some rank bullshit, but it was there for Cassandra to see through, for different reasons. The first lie, at the beginning of the game, an impressive story of an invincible Hawke and sibling vanquishing a troll without breaking a sweat - that was sort of testing the waters, seeing what he could get away with. Then the story of him single-handedly storming his brother's mansion, killing all of his guards only for Bartrand to beg for mercy before him - frankly, because he didn't want to go into the emotional bullshit with her. And he doesn't - talking about Bartrand is probably the only time in the game when Varric doesn't have the right words, doesn't want to find them, and shuts the conversation down with very little of his usual finesse. But there's another reason buried in there. Telling big, bold lies the Seeker saw right through meant that later, when she was captivated by the story of those lovable misfits, he could pretend he didn't have vital information...like Hawke's location. That was a lie he told so smoothly it won't be for months that she finds out he knew where Hawke was all along and was protecting them from the Seekers. There's also the one story he'll never tell: how he got Bianca. Dragon Age canon itself presents multiple conflicting stories about where he got it - but most of them are Varric talking, and one of them is Varric hallucinating. None of them have ever been backed up by another person. The only guaranteed fact is that he named it after an old lover. It's a pretty good example of Varric being an unreliable narrator of the series as a whole.
Varric never describes himself as a major player in the events he tells of - he's a sidekick, self-described. He can be fairly modest (generally, he doesn't take credit for anything good that he does - other people get the credit for it), but he also talks himself up something awful. But again, he lies a lot. It's his thing. He's one of those people who likes to sit behind the throne and not on it, and one of his conversations with Carver is essentially him extolling the virtues of having the name recognition but none of the responsibilities. In the first part of DA2 he's essentially a spymaster for his brother - and later on in the game, when Bartrand is indisposed and Varric takes over, the various interests and businesses of the Tethras family are registered under the names of anything from imaginary cousins to pets just so Varric can keep pretending he's not that important. It's not that he doesn't accept it, but he doesn't want to be seen that way and doesn't want the weight that comes with being seen as Head of the Family. He likes spending all his time gossiping and shamelessly eavesdropping in the Lowtown bar he permanently lives in. Likes it a hell of a lot more than going to Merchant's Guild meetings. (Which, by the way, he never shows up for, even in his role as deshyr of Kirkwall)
Part of Varric's 'spy network', therefore, is just...his friends. He likes to be well-connected, and has friends from all races, all professions, all walks of life. He knows as much about the goings on of the Kirkwall underworld as of the Viscount's Keep. On the one hand, this means he's great to have on hand if you need information about almost anything going on in town. On the other, Varric has a problem of caring too much about people; he pretends that his reason for not taking sides in the mage-templar conflict is simply that he doesn't care about the quarreling of a bunch of humans in skirts. Actually, as he admits later? He has too many friends on both sides to want to villainise one or the other. That said, he still fights - for Hawke more than anything, but also because he knows that there's never going to be a happy ending. But maybe, maybe, they can have an ending that isn't 'and then the world ended'. He's pragmatic like that.
When it comes to Varric, the road to hell is paved with good intentions, and he knows every good bar on the road. He bribes Hightown workers and Lowtown thugs alike to keep his friends out of trouble; a lot of the job opportunities he gives Hawke and information he gives the Inquisitor aren't exactly gotten through honest means. He often plays fast and loose with morals, occasionally playing devil's advocate to the terrible decisions his friends make - when Anders has a crisis over the fact that he almost killed a girl, Varric points out that he's killed hundreds of people and why is this one a problem? But then, when Anders later blows up the Chantry, Varric feels as furious and betrayed as any other of his friends. And actually, Varric tends to be a lot more respectful of pacifism than warmongering - his approval rating with Hawke and the Inquisitor tends to jump up more when they take nonviolent methods of solving problems, when they help people...and when they're a bit more money-grubbing.
Varric takes Hawke under his wing at first because it's a great business opportunity for the family...and then, as is his wont, he gets attached. Not just to Hawke - a decade later, Hawke is still Varric's best friend - but to Hawke's family (except Gamlen) and the lovable band of misfits Hawke brings together. It's definitely not just business - he has different dynamics, relationships and whole ways of acting around every single one of them. He despairs of Fenris's isolationism and tries to make him integrate into Kirkwall better. He bribes thugs not to attack Anders in his clinic and slowly comes to despair of his ties to Justice even as he tries to keep him grounded...then, eventually, cuts all ties with him. It's too much. He's an older brother figure to Bethany (if he meets her - in my playthrough here, he never has) and Merrill. He's a dirty gossip with Isabela. He eyerolls deeply at everything Carver does...but still likes him all the same. He eyerolls deeply at everything Sebastian does, full stop. Basically, he adopts the whole damn group as his family - "you can't choose your family" is bullshit.
So then there's Varric's brother, and his blood family and all that dwarven pride crap. Varric...has issues with his family. It's revealed in Inquisition that his greatest fear is becoming his parents - little is known about either of them, except that his father had the family exiled from Orzammar and his mother became a bitter alcoholic whom Varric took care of till her death, while Bartrand saw to the family businesses; there are some pretty good reasons right there for Varric to not want to be like them. Besides the glaringly obvious, their acts are self-centred and out-of-control in ways Varric doesn't tolerate in himself. Both his parents are long dead by the events of DA2, leaving only him and his older brother, and Varric makes no secret of the fact that his only attachment to Bartrand is that they're family and there's kind of an obligation to stick together there. But all the same, Bartrand's betrayal hits him hard - he does mention beforehand, in a show of unintentional foreshadowing, that Bartrand is one of those dwarves that would sell their mothers for business opportunities - but when it came down to it, he was actually shocked. More shocked than he seems to have expected to be.
"I assume there was a time when you and he were friends?"
"With Bartrand? No, just brothers. Occasionally he wasn't insufferable."
"And yet you remained at his side."
"Too bad he didn't do the same."
As for the dwarves? Paragons and the Stone and all of the nontheist (ostensibly) religious crap dwarves espouse? He's not here for it. Varric is highly regarded on the surface - one of the titles the game gives him is 'merchant prince' - but to Orzammar, Varric is casteless and worthless, and he knows it. And, really, he doesn't much care. He has a vague sort of emotional revulsion to all things Truly Dwarven that comes through in everything from his refusal to even try to go back there to his lack of attachment their customs to the simple fact that, unlike the vast majority of dwarves, he shaves. Kirkwall is his home - its peculiar mixture of all races, nationalities and creeds is his culture, and that's what he loves.
Onto some more miscellaneous things. Varric is charming and witty, with a filthy sense of humour and absolutely no desire to take himself seriously (and a great reluctance to take anything seriously, though he will if pushed). He's an excellent gambler and card player. He drinks...but a lot less than people think he does - he'll often buy a drink and simply pretend to drink it, as it makes people more comfortable than not drinking at all. He's got a real talent for presenting himself, both in demeanour and in appearance - his clothes are well made without being luxurious. He's straight, and only really into dwarven women...or so he claims. Again - it's Varric: you can assume he's lying when his mouth is open, especially about his personal affairs. He's a popular author throughout Thedas, but also a big reader - he recommends to Hawke a book by a prominent scholar about his travels through Thedas. He actually reveals a love of jousting at one point - watching it, not doing it. Heaven forbid.
Oh, and his chest hair really is insured for ten thousand gold.
Abilities/Skills:
Varric is a rogue class, which in the Dragon Age universe means skills with traps, locks, the crossbow and general subterfuge type methods of attack and defence. He's adept with various kinds of weaponry, mostly handheld, easily hidden and more cloak-and-dagger than in your face warfare-esque. The Archery, Artificer and Sabotage trees in Inquisition give a good idea of what Varric's capable of. The exception to this more subtle approach is his beloved crossbow, Bianca, a monster of a weapon he carries everywhere and useslovingly expertly. He can adapt the crossbow bolts to be poisonous or explosive. He's a good enough aim and a fast enough draw to have pinned a running man to the side of a building by his clothing.
As a dwarf, he is in no way magical and can't be taught (fun fact: Varric doesn't dream. The ability to do that is tied to the ability to connect with the Fade, which dwarves don't have), though magic affects him like anybody else. (As a very bad dwarf, he can't do runecrafting or any kind of general crafting, or wield an axe. Or farm mushrooms, or nugs.)
Strengths/Weaknesses:
Items:
SAMPLES
Network Sample:
[Varric totally didn't spend half an hour practising camera angles and control of the MID before he started a video broadcast. No, as far as you're concerned, he knows how to do this shit as natural as breathing, and you'll never make him admit otherwise.]
If there's one thing that upsets me about being kidnapped, it's that apparently nobody even left a ransom note. A hastily scrawled demand for a few hundred thousand gold to be left under a rock exactly three miles due east of the '5 miles to Hossberg' sign out in the Anderfels, that's what my dignity needs right now.
Ah, who am I kidding, nobody on this thing knows what an Anderfel or a Hossberg is. Never mind.
Come to think of it, I've been kidnapped from a kidnapping. Kidnapception is the best way to tell someone they're truly wanted - I'm flattered, trust me.
[Wow, it's really easy to get off track when you're not talking to anybody's real, actual flesh faces.]
Anyway, the name's Varric. Varric Tethras, and let me ask a simple question to everybody here, just to break the ice, as it were.
Tell me - what's the one thing you wish you'd known before you were unceremoniously dumped in outer space? Or if this isn't your first time, what advice would you like to give someone who's been unceremoniously dumped in outer space? Never say I don't try to include everybody.
And if you know what Wicked Grace is, let me know. I could use a game. Or hell, I'll teach you. Gives me something to do.
Prose/Action Sample: TDM thread!
Are you 16 or older: I am!
Contact:
Current Characters: Tali'Zorah
Tag: varric tethras
IN CHARACTER
Name: Varric Tethras
Canon: Dragon Age
Canon Point: Dragon Age: Inquisition: after his confrontation with Cassandra about Hawke. I'm including the comic trilogy The Silent Grove, Those Who Speak and Until We Sleep
Age: 40
History: Varric's DA Wiki page
Note: Varric's Hawke is a female mage who romanced Isabela. Bartrand is dead. Anders is alive. Carver is in the Grey Wardens. I haven't played any of the Inquisition DLC, so I have no idea what the hell goes on in any of it.
Personality: "Shows what you know. I would definitely bring this up just to gossip. I didn't. But I would."
Varric Tethras. How do I begin to explain Varric Tethras? ...I hear his chest hair's insured for 10,000 gold.
He'd absolutely tell you that if you thought you'd believe him. Or even if he didn't think you would, but just for shits and giggles. Lying blatantly is how Varric entertains himself, after all, and half of this app is going to be about how, when, why and to whom Varric lies, because it says a hell of a lot about him. Lying is how he entertains himself, it's how he makes his living and it's how he defends his friends and his interests. Varric can do a lot with words. He's an artist with them - he can say much with very few, say absolutely nothing with many (he's especially good at that), knows when to be silent and when to talk. As he's told people before, his livelihood depends on knowing that silence is golden - sometimes. And that's both his livelihood of storytelling, and his alternative careers: first, the professional younger brother of Bartrand Tethras; then, unwilling businessman at the head of his family, and deshyr (essentially, representative) of Kirkwall to the Dwarven Merchant's Guild. He's elevated bullshit to a literal art form, and it's probably a safe bet that his most famous book, The Tale of the Champion, is three parts truth to two parts 'making shit up'. It's an interesting question to ask - how much of Dragon Age 2 is just Varric telling tall tales? Obviously some parts of it can be framed within the wider world, corroborated by the other games and media - but Varric is the narrator of the second game. Everything the player sees? That's Varric talking. Sometimes, it's Varric talking shit. And that's pretty damned important, both about him and about the story of Dragon Age.
"...coins flow when I talk and when I shut up. Like if you got paid to guard or unguard."
"That makes no sense."
"Good."
The entirety of DA2 is about that time Varric spun a long, thrilling, engaging tale for Seeker Pentaghast - a tale of a lovable band of misfits that got into a lot of trouble, but fought for what they genuinely thought was right. It was riveting stuff, and it was meant to be! The player - and Cassandra - are completely taken in by the story of Hawke and Hawke's friends. There was some rank bullshit, but it was there for Cassandra to see through, for different reasons. The first lie, at the beginning of the game, an impressive story of an invincible Hawke and sibling vanquishing a troll without breaking a sweat - that was sort of testing the waters, seeing what he could get away with. Then the story of him single-handedly storming his brother's mansion, killing all of his guards only for Bartrand to beg for mercy before him - frankly, because he didn't want to go into the emotional bullshit with her. And he doesn't - talking about Bartrand is probably the only time in the game when Varric doesn't have the right words, doesn't want to find them, and shuts the conversation down with very little of his usual finesse. But there's another reason buried in there. Telling big, bold lies the Seeker saw right through meant that later, when she was captivated by the story of those lovable misfits, he could pretend he didn't have vital information...like Hawke's location. That was a lie he told so smoothly it won't be for months that she finds out he knew where Hawke was all along and was protecting them from the Seekers. There's also the one story he'll never tell: how he got Bianca. Dragon Age canon itself presents multiple conflicting stories about where he got it - but most of them are Varric talking, and one of them is Varric hallucinating. None of them have ever been backed up by another person. The only guaranteed fact is that he named it after an old lover. It's a pretty good example of Varric being an unreliable narrator of the series as a whole.
Varric never describes himself as a major player in the events he tells of - he's a sidekick, self-described. He can be fairly modest (generally, he doesn't take credit for anything good that he does - other people get the credit for it), but he also talks himself up something awful. But again, he lies a lot. It's his thing. He's one of those people who likes to sit behind the throne and not on it, and one of his conversations with Carver is essentially him extolling the virtues of having the name recognition but none of the responsibilities. In the first part of DA2 he's essentially a spymaster for his brother - and later on in the game, when Bartrand is indisposed and Varric takes over, the various interests and businesses of the Tethras family are registered under the names of anything from imaginary cousins to pets just so Varric can keep pretending he's not that important. It's not that he doesn't accept it, but he doesn't want to be seen that way and doesn't want the weight that comes with being seen as Head of the Family. He likes spending all his time gossiping and shamelessly eavesdropping in the Lowtown bar he permanently lives in. Likes it a hell of a lot more than going to Merchant's Guild meetings. (Which, by the way, he never shows up for, even in his role as deshyr of Kirkwall)
Part of Varric's 'spy network', therefore, is just...his friends. He likes to be well-connected, and has friends from all races, all professions, all walks of life. He knows as much about the goings on of the Kirkwall underworld as of the Viscount's Keep. On the one hand, this means he's great to have on hand if you need information about almost anything going on in town. On the other, Varric has a problem of caring too much about people; he pretends that his reason for not taking sides in the mage-templar conflict is simply that he doesn't care about the quarreling of a bunch of humans in skirts. Actually, as he admits later? He has too many friends on both sides to want to villainise one or the other. That said, he still fights - for Hawke more than anything, but also because he knows that there's never going to be a happy ending. But maybe, maybe, they can have an ending that isn't 'and then the world ended'. He's pragmatic like that.
When it comes to Varric, the road to hell is paved with good intentions, and he knows every good bar on the road. He bribes Hightown workers and Lowtown thugs alike to keep his friends out of trouble; a lot of the job opportunities he gives Hawke and information he gives the Inquisitor aren't exactly gotten through honest means. He often plays fast and loose with morals, occasionally playing devil's advocate to the terrible decisions his friends make - when Anders has a crisis over the fact that he almost killed a girl, Varric points out that he's killed hundreds of people and why is this one a problem? But then, when Anders later blows up the Chantry, Varric feels as furious and betrayed as any other of his friends. And actually, Varric tends to be a lot more respectful of pacifism than warmongering - his approval rating with Hawke and the Inquisitor tends to jump up more when they take nonviolent methods of solving problems, when they help people...and when they're a bit more money-grubbing.
Varric takes Hawke under his wing at first because it's a great business opportunity for the family...and then, as is his wont, he gets attached. Not just to Hawke - a decade later, Hawke is still Varric's best friend - but to Hawke's family (except Gamlen) and the lovable band of misfits Hawke brings together. It's definitely not just business - he has different dynamics, relationships and whole ways of acting around every single one of them. He despairs of Fenris's isolationism and tries to make him integrate into Kirkwall better. He bribes thugs not to attack Anders in his clinic and slowly comes to despair of his ties to Justice even as he tries to keep him grounded...then, eventually, cuts all ties with him. It's too much. He's an older brother figure to Bethany (if he meets her - in my playthrough here, he never has) and Merrill. He's a dirty gossip with Isabela. He eyerolls deeply at everything Carver does...but still likes him all the same. He eyerolls deeply at everything Sebastian does, full stop. Basically, he adopts the whole damn group as his family - "you can't choose your family" is bullshit.
So then there's Varric's brother, and his blood family and all that dwarven pride crap. Varric...has issues with his family. It's revealed in Inquisition that his greatest fear is becoming his parents - little is known about either of them, except that his father had the family exiled from Orzammar and his mother became a bitter alcoholic whom Varric took care of till her death, while Bartrand saw to the family businesses; there are some pretty good reasons right there for Varric to not want to be like them. Besides the glaringly obvious, their acts are self-centred and out-of-control in ways Varric doesn't tolerate in himself. Both his parents are long dead by the events of DA2, leaving only him and his older brother, and Varric makes no secret of the fact that his only attachment to Bartrand is that they're family and there's kind of an obligation to stick together there. But all the same, Bartrand's betrayal hits him hard - he does mention beforehand, in a show of unintentional foreshadowing, that Bartrand is one of those dwarves that would sell their mothers for business opportunities - but when it came down to it, he was actually shocked. More shocked than he seems to have expected to be.
"I assume there was a time when you and he were friends?"
"With Bartrand? No, just brothers. Occasionally he wasn't insufferable."
"And yet you remained at his side."
"Too bad he didn't do the same."
As for the dwarves? Paragons and the Stone and all of the nontheist (ostensibly) religious crap dwarves espouse? He's not here for it. Varric is highly regarded on the surface - one of the titles the game gives him is 'merchant prince' - but to Orzammar, Varric is casteless and worthless, and he knows it. And, really, he doesn't much care. He has a vague sort of emotional revulsion to all things Truly Dwarven that comes through in everything from his refusal to even try to go back there to his lack of attachment their customs to the simple fact that, unlike the vast majority of dwarves, he shaves. Kirkwall is his home - its peculiar mixture of all races, nationalities and creeds is his culture, and that's what he loves.
Onto some more miscellaneous things. Varric is charming and witty, with a filthy sense of humour and absolutely no desire to take himself seriously (and a great reluctance to take anything seriously, though he will if pushed). He's an excellent gambler and card player. He drinks...but a lot less than people think he does - he'll often buy a drink and simply pretend to drink it, as it makes people more comfortable than not drinking at all. He's got a real talent for presenting himself, both in demeanour and in appearance - his clothes are well made without being luxurious. He's straight, and only really into dwarven women...or so he claims. Again - it's Varric: you can assume he's lying when his mouth is open, especially about his personal affairs. He's a popular author throughout Thedas, but also a big reader - he recommends to Hawke a book by a prominent scholar about his travels through Thedas. He actually reveals a love of jousting at one point - watching it, not doing it. Heaven forbid.
Oh, and his chest hair really is insured for ten thousand gold.
Abilities/Skills:
Varric is a rogue class, which in the Dragon Age universe means skills with traps, locks, the crossbow and general subterfuge type methods of attack and defence. He's adept with various kinds of weaponry, mostly handheld, easily hidden and more cloak-and-dagger than in your face warfare-esque. The Archery, Artificer and Sabotage trees in Inquisition give a good idea of what Varric's capable of. The exception to this more subtle approach is his beloved crossbow, Bianca, a monster of a weapon he carries everywhere and uses
As a dwarf, he is in no way magical and can't be taught (fun fact: Varric doesn't dream. The ability to do that is tied to the ability to connect with the Fade, which dwarves don't have), though magic affects him like anybody else. (As a very bad dwarf, he can't do runecrafting or any kind of general crafting, or wield an axe. Or farm mushrooms, or nugs.)
Strengths/Weaknesses:
- Strengths
- Loyal: There are a lot of lengths Varric will go to for those who've won his loyalty. He's proven multiple times he'll die for the right person before the right cause. That said, he's not blindly loyal - if a friend fucks up, he'll let them know about it, and even cut ties if need be.
- Cunning: And how. He's not malicious, but he does lie for various ends (and no end at all), (occasionally) cheats, and is generally good at getting his own way through ends that aren't entirely above board.
- Intelligent: This mostly only applies to knowledge of Thedas, but Varric is a walking encyclopedia about a large variety of things that seem to come from being a voracious reader and being genuinely interested in the world around him. He'll soak up all this space and new planets crap like a sponge. Besides that, he's witty, a prolific storyteller, and a shrewd businessman.
- Weaknesses
- Soft: He is a fighter, but he's a long distance fighter or a sneak fighter. He knows he can't stand up in an actual all out face-on brawl. And while he's physically fit enough to go tramping around in the countryside and all that crap, he does not like it and complains loudly about it. If the entire universe could just be one big city without any of this nature crap, he'd be happy with that.
- Gossip: Look, if you tell Varric something, that something is fair game for him to
gigglechuckle about, include in his various writings as it suits him, or just to casually bring up anecdotally whenever appropriate (read: inappropriate). He cannot be trusted with secrets. Don't even try. In his defence, he is very open about this. - Morally Dubious: Varric doesn't see this as a weakness, but of course he wouldn't. He doesn't really hold to the idea that there's any rule or precept in the world that can't be tweaked, bent or broken for purpose, and frankly if he's given a set of rules to keep to, he will not follow them if it better suits him or people important to him not to. The truth is sometimes overrated, strict morality is always overrated. Varric is reliable in some ways - but in others he's very much not.
Items:
- His clothing - decent heavy, well made leather clothing, with various surreptitious weaponry hidden in it:
- A couple of vials of poison
- Some lockpicks
- A straight razor
- A garrotte
- Bianca - his giant crossbow
- A couple dozen crossbow bolts
- A coin purse decently full of gold and silver
- A gold chain and earrings
SAMPLES
Network Sample:
[Varric totally didn't spend half an hour practising camera angles and control of the MID before he started a video broadcast. No, as far as you're concerned, he knows how to do this shit as natural as breathing, and you'll never make him admit otherwise.]
If there's one thing that upsets me about being kidnapped, it's that apparently nobody even left a ransom note. A hastily scrawled demand for a few hundred thousand gold to be left under a rock exactly three miles due east of the '5 miles to Hossberg' sign out in the Anderfels, that's what my dignity needs right now.
Ah, who am I kidding, nobody on this thing knows what an Anderfel or a Hossberg is. Never mind.
Come to think of it, I've been kidnapped from a kidnapping. Kidnapception is the best way to tell someone they're truly wanted - I'm flattered, trust me.
[Wow, it's really easy to get off track when you're not talking to anybody's real, actual flesh faces.]
Anyway, the name's Varric. Varric Tethras, and let me ask a simple question to everybody here, just to break the ice, as it were.
Tell me - what's the one thing you wish you'd known before you were unceremoniously dumped in outer space? Or if this isn't your first time, what advice would you like to give someone who's been unceremoniously dumped in outer space? Never say I don't try to include everybody.
And if you know what Wicked Grace is, let me know. I could use a game. Or hell, I'll teach you. Gives me something to do.
Prose/Action Sample: TDM thread!